The Farmer's Wife "Farming for Novices" Info Post

The Farmer's Wife "Farming for Novices" Info Post

HEIFER - a heifer is a girl cow. After a heifer has a baby, it's still a heifer. After the second calf, it's a cow.

COW - a cow is a girl. There are no "boy cows". Boy cows are either bulls or steers. The writers of the cereal commercial that says, "Do you think he knows it's a boy cow?" are morons.

BULLS - boy cows that still have their jibs. Jibless bulls are steers.

STEERS - bulls that have been castrated and are usually raised for meat. Steers are delicious.

HORNS - some people think that bulls have horns and cows don't. (remember bull = boy, cow = girl) That's not true. All cattle, with the exception of "polled Herferd's" and some other breeds have horns. Horns are usually removed in various ways when cattle are young. This protects them and their "bags" (see UDDERS) from each other.

UDDERS - A cow has an udder. An udder has 4 quarters. Sometimes only 3 quarters work. (see "3 TITTER".) Amazingly, cows with 3 quarters often produce as much milk as if they had 4 working quarters. (For cows that have only 2 functioning quarters, see HAMBURGER.)

3 TITTER - a cow with only 3 functioning quarters. (see above.)

MILKING - what we do twice a day. Also known as "pulling tits". Contrary to what some might believe, we do not milk by hand (because we are not AMISH) but use milking machines. The apparatus used are called CLAWS.

CLAWS - a hand like apparatus that is put on the teats (nipples) held on by suction. Milk is drawn from the quarters by pulsation. It's fun when you tell people to put their finger in the "inflation" or neck of the claw. They think their finger will be sucked off, but it's more of a massaging sensation. It's pretty funny.

AMISH - a fascinating group of peoples who survive without elecricity, phones, cars or deodorant. The Amish are fantastic craftsmen and bakers and do everything without the aid of modern machinery such as tractors and use horses and people powered equipment. Ironically, wireless technology must be okay because we had an Amish friend call us on his cell phone the other day trying to sell us some "probiotics" for our cows. Amish people have a message. The message is.. "We are rich and you are not."

HAMBURGER - cows with: crappy (less than 3 working) quarters, that do not breed back (see BREEDING) or injured or too old and/or lame to work with become. (see SIDE NOTE) Sometimes they are shipped for processing by others (think McDonalds) or processed for our freezer. (see STEERS)

SIDE NOTE - we are a small "family dairy". We milk an average of 50 cows and have about 90 head heifers/cows all together. Our cows are named, not numbered, loved and cared for.
My friends often say, "I hope I come back as one of your cows... they have it made!" and that's true. We do everything we can to maintain the health and well being of our cows.

Our homestead has been in operation for 153 years because of the great love and respect for the land and animals. Every day, family farms are disappearing at an alarming rate due to the increasingly difficult conditions that "commerce" presents.

Imports from other countries account for the death of the family farms as we know it. Sure... whey products and milk by-products are cheaper from other countries, but in the end... when there are no family farms left in the U.S., you will be a prisoner to other countries. When another country supplying dairy products has a drought or dry year, you will be at their mercy, paying far more than you pay today. Can you imagine paying $7 for a gallon of milk? It's not unlikely.

Wisconsin, on average, is losing 4 dairy farms a day. There are only so many left...
Fight for your farmers friends... please. Keep the U.S. a self-sufficient nation. Keep the family farm in business. Our livelihood (and yours!) depends on YOU!